Relationship Hacks

For Guys: What Not to Say on a First Date

what not to say on a first date

Looking for ideas on what to say on a first date, what not to say on a first date or great conversation starters on a first date. You can get it all here. But first, what are the things you ought not to say on a first date? Let’s get to it.

You are finally set to get that first official meeting with her in a cool environment coupled with sweet music (if included) and all the lines have been practiced with the coolest voice of yours. Well, it’s fine you get tensed too as it is going be your first official date and you would have alternated different switches of thoughts; would she find me cool enough? What do I put on? How do I make her feel relaxed? What impression would I live with her? Hope I don’t mess up?…

All these critical thinking comes while the anxiety of emotions are also up and they give you very nervous joy that can lead to a heart attack if not channeled well (just kidding), but all these things are normal especially if she’s your first date… Ah!! You will be your interviewer and the interviewed at the same time, your friends will definitely spot something new in your behavioral changes as your smile will be uncontrollable and not defined, most newbies tend to accompany the mood with music.

You become a critical thinking machine which your day 1 to last day teacher or lecturer couldn’t make you become (I’m not saying you weren’t though), you then start all analogies with reasonable and unreasonable views… This is one aspect of life I always try to avoid but can I? Or can you? Except it was hide and seek love you played. If not, ah… You probably don’t want to know more. Or do you? Well, tell me below.

Are you a learner? Ok…

If you are then let’s start with explaining what a “first date” is.

First date in simple explanation can be said to be the first official meeting between two people (in this case it’s between a Lady and a gentleman) regardless of whether they’ve been previously acquainted or not, so both parties can get to ask themselves some questions in order to know themselves better in determining if they can or can’t actually be together (as lovers) in a relationship as it is a process of developing a romantic relationship and building the foundation on which the relationship will be mounted.

Sometimes, you might have to settle for another date (second date) if you didn’t hit the ball well or if need be because some of us (both the ladies and gentlemen) can be very frustrating that you only can’t react, but a second meeting is always presumed to be going to be better as assumptions of; maybe she wasn’t in the mood, maybe he had something bothering him, oh.. maybe I didn’t look like what she or he expected and many other pop-ups of assumptions.

Now to avoid a clumsy date, I will be teaching some deep stuff to avoid and what not to say on your first date. Once you’re good with these principles and guidelines, then nailing your first date is a super sure bet. But I’m not assuring the fact that she is going to continue with the relationship after the first date just because you obeyed the “first date guidelines”, because you might actually not be their taste (especially if you guys met online).

So when you’re on your first date, these are what you shouldn’t say on your first date or shouldn’t do on your first date

Your Ex? Don’t mention Her

It so annoying to their hearing when you talk about your past girlfriend (ex). While on doing some survey, I talked with a lady by the name Khaosart. Immediately I asked her what she wouldn’t want to hear on a first date, she replied;

“You know some of you guys are very stupid at times, because of you I will get dress up and get anxious, only for us to get to where was supposed to be about us, then you go into your past and the worst part you try to drag me along.

I then asked her “Past?”

Yes… she said “you will start telling me about your Ex when I didn’t ask. When you still had her thoughts why didn’t you take me out or even try asking me out”.

Then it dawned on me that ladies hate this topic of “talking about an ex” with passion because she was the fifth lady starting her “what you wouldn’t want to hear on your first date” with that issue and her expression was even frightening.

If you are still stuck in your past, please don’t bring to the table when you’re with her on your first date because you will damage the moments so terribly, except “she asks” Don’t even think of that. Sometimes when discussing you get tempted to want to talk about it and you spill up. Bro, try not to.

Yes! “Resist the devil and he will flee” I’m not trying to be spiritual here but if you don’t resist that urge of wanting to talk about your ex then you’re not ready to go far with her.

Don’t ask about her Ex

Like in the first scenario, same here baby I t this time around it’s her past we are talking about here. Don’t dare make the mistake of asking about her ex during your conversation, if it was one of your rehearsed lines to keep the conversation, please cancel it and think of another topic.

Rihanat, another lady I spoke with said one thing that would spoil her mood and damage the moment is talking about her ex. In her words, she said “Don’t ask me about my past, it will immediately annoy me and you would have in the process spoilt the mood. You should not be interested in my past, it’s me you should be interested in. Do you know if I had a bad experience, do you know if I was the one who cheated? So asking me about my ex will bring back memories which can either be bad or good.

Crazily, if the moments were memorable, once I live you I will put a call straight through to my ex and apologize and make up with him”. Their past she said isn’t your business on a first date, according to her; if you need to know anything about my past, it should be later not on our first date.

Keep calm, you’re always going to talk about that some other time, that’s if you kept or maintained balance enough to keep her. But why do you really want to know her past or about her ex? Well, we are all different, everyone belongs to a different school of thought.

Simply don’t ask her about her ex on your first date.

Don’t be insulting or savagery

Jokingly you might want to act funny by giving some insulting replies which unknowingly to you is insulting. Trying this supposed or saying those kinda words in replying her, even if her questions sounds stupid or strange, learn to be nice and give a warmth answer with a smile, it gives you relevance in her presence.

Rihanat also said “when he tries to be funny by either giving me insulting replies as jokes, I can end the date right there and then. He should think of how to keep a conversation in a way that makes me feel relaxed and let me feel his maturity”.

So watch out for those words of yours which your friends laugh at when you say them because she might not find them funny because she’s not yet your friend l, she is still a stranger until you’ve come so close to play such expensive jokes.

Don’t be too inquisitive

Hey bro, calm down… Rest your nerves. Take it one by one, don’t rush her with questions, don’t be too unduly curious about her life and don’t interfere in her speech, give her a break. Asking so many questions can aggravate her bad side and it might even end up spoiling your date. She could get frustrated and react.

Kehinde, a friend of mine whom I know to be so sweet said “as much as I don’t get annoyed easily if my date asks me too many questions enh… We go get issue ooo”.

Other ladies said this too, and even if you wanted to ask questions, let it be reasonable questions. Sometimes, the kind of questions you ask might even help her determine her final say on that relationship there and then, She further said. Engage her well but ask too much, this will help her know if you are really gonna be a stalker kind of boyfriend or not, she will get to even ask why you are asking so many questions and if you don’t give a good reason, my brother, it’s another thing entirely, just forget about her. Especially when your reason doesn’t make sense with what you have been asking about.

So, stay on the safer side and avoid asking by trying not to ask too many questions.

Don’t create a false impression

Trying to impress her with a lying tongue is a total disaster. Don’t try to be whom you’re not, be original, say what you would have said if she was already your girlfriend, don’t try to raise your standard beyond what you’re not.

Remember, you might forget a line and also “one lie leads to another”. No lie stops where you want it to, because she might get interested and ask more of it and when you run out of fuel to move your lying tongue, your words won’t correlate and I’m sure you know what that means. Or even if you didn’t mess up there with your lies, what of if she starts to date you and she finds out that you’re fake, won’t that be a terrible scenario?

Don’t lie or even try to impress with whom you’re not or what you don’t have.

Don’t talk about your parents

She wants to know you that day, not your parents nor your family. So, keep them out of the topics of discussion.

Jumoke, a lady who recently had that experience shared while i was discussing with her. Jumoke said “Your parents are not my business for the day, why will you start giving me a history class on your parents and you then start saying you want their type of relationship or you wouldn’t want to have such, how is that supposed to be my business? You should treat me the way you want me to treat you”.

It seems like this is another no go area on your first date. They don’t want to know your parents that night. So, take a chill pill and get her off that ride and talk about yourselves not your parents. They are not the reason for the meeting.

Don’t talk about politics

Remember it’s a date, not a political hangout, when you create a divergence in your discussion, especially when it doesn’t even correlate with your date e.g politics. I used politics as a case study because there are more than enough divergent topics we (men) talk about on our first date which bores her but she wouldn’t speak up because she doesn’t want to be rude, but deep down there she is not interested. Boring topics on a first date can swerve away from her attention and she might even lose interest in you as she may begin to think that that’s what you would probably continue to talk about when eventually get married.

Rihanat said, I love when he engages me in a conversation rather than me engaging him but he shouldn’t discuss football or politics with me while we are on our first date.

Ladies don’t enjoy such conversation because they’re probably clueless about what you are talking about. Then they become lost and bored, thereby, leading to internal anger or wrong interpretation of who you are as a man. Keep away such matters as there’s a viewing center where you can argue your football and you can also go see your friends after the date to discuss politics but don’t discuss it with her on your first date.

Avoid argument

Don’t say things that will bring up an argument. Yes, you need to keep her engaged in a conversation but don’t engage her in an argument as she may perceive you to be a nagging partner. Avoid argument and even if she wants one let her win, don’t try to prove her wrong.

Dealing with these issues might not seem important but it is. So help her stay calm by avoiding an argument.

Don’t ask her why she is single

A question they hate to hear. Taiwo said, “another thing I don’t like is you asking me why I have been single, why didn’t he come earlier or maybe he should look for someone who just finished with a relationship”. She has decided to give you a chance by going on a date with you only for you to pop up the odd question “Why are you still single?”

You don’t have to know this on a first date. It is a NO NO!

Stay away from odd first date questions as such and enjoy the moment. Even though she hadn’t been in a relationship before then, but she’s actually in the process of getting into one with you, right? That settles it.

There you have it, What not to say on your first date. Avoid those questions and conversation, it will really help you make a good first impression. But your looks also matter, your gestures and your self-esteem, they all matter a lot.

Remember, its a first date, so you need to avoid first date mistakes so you just have to make the best of it.

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