A lot of people have been asking the “I Need a Serious Relationship That will Lead to Marriage” question and the truth is, you need to find out whether you are ready for marriage before getting into the relationship that will lead to marriage. Trust me, a lot of people are not quite ready for something serious and here, we will be looking at how what you need to do to ensure your readiness for a serious relationship.
John met Lara in his second year at the university. From their first conversation at a school party, John knew he wanted to keep seeing Lara. The first thing that he liked about her was how she was easy to impress. She laughed easily, even when John thought his jokes were corny and homespun. Soon they were seeing each other every other day until school ended. They moved in with each other after university, with easy-going Lara paying the rent until a few months after which the relationship hit the rocks.
Does this story read familiar to you? It is an all too common occurrence with relationships in modern times. According to research, more than half of relationships that started well often end up nowhere. Very often too, the main cause is that many do not go into marriage with the intent of marriage. We now live in a society that belittles the institution of marriage, dispensing with it and opting for the road that leads to a life with a partner but lesser commitments.
Whether you are asking the “I need a serious relationship that will lead to marriage or not“, you should know that many young people still would love a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. If that’s what you want then it means:
- 1 You’re likely financially stable
- 2 A Relationship with long term goals
- 3 You’re not in it just for sex
- 4 You Don’t Want a Diversion relationship
- 5 You are not experimenting
- 6 You are not looking for validation
- 7 You are not desperate
- 8 You are not looking for a perfect marriage
- 9 Boost your chances of finding a partner
- 10 You can’t be too picky
You’re likely financially stable
One of the most important question to ponder in life is: what do I want to do with my life? The moment you can answer this question, you are three steps ahead in life, and that’s a lot of steps if you ask me. Many people never go far in life financially. However, if know what you are doing, then you are likely employed and earning some money. You are likely making enough money to care for your needs and also enough to care for a family. And this is why you may be thinking of going into a serious relationship that you hope will lead to marriage. One of the issues that often lead to a breakup is finance. Like a singer once said, love is sweet but when there’s money it is sweeter. You need to create a checklist of these financial questions to ask before thinking of marriage, for you to understand your readiness for the relationship.
A Relationship with long term goals
If you are thinking of a serious relationship that will lead to marriage then you are thinking long term. A lot of people in a relationship don’t do this, their relationship is based on the short term. Partners in a relationship that leads to marriage think and talk about their future.
Lara in the example above got worried about where her life was headed with John. He never talked about marriage, nor did he ever talk about kids. Lara wanted kids, but she wanted them in marriage. John just wanted to have a good time. In a relationship that leads to marriage the partners are thinking of where they would leave, how many kids they have, will old parents move in with them? And so on.
You’re not in it just for sex
Sex has killed many serious relationships that should lead to marriage. It has also made a few. Trust me, when the sex is free, the thought of marriage is almost always not in the plan. Yes, you read that right.
It was true that John wasn’t cheating on Lara. But he wasn’t thinking of marrying her either. So if you want a relationship that leads to marriage, then you have to be in it not just for the sex only. Abstaining from sex until marriage is still a very rewarding way to achieve a marriage-focused relationship. However, with special effort towards building a future together, partners can keep sex in its place and still make it into marriage.
You Don’t Want a Diversion relationship
For you, a relationship is not a past time. You are not just bored with being alone and now in need of experience or something to while away your time with. We are talking about someone else’s heart and time and you want to waste that?
A relationship that will lead to marriage is not to be treated like one of your hobbies. It is not a beach you go to or Saturday morning sweating at the basketball court. You must be ready to put in more than just a passive measure of interest. You’d get the kick out of the relationship and go off until the next time when you need a fix. That isn’t a relationship that would lead to marriage, it is one headed for heartbreak and sadly, it isn’t your heart that’s going to break but some innocent partner who thought they’d found a future partner.
You are not experimenting
It also means you are not a social scientist just trying to find out what it is like to be in a relationship with someone dark-skinned, light-skinned, chubby, rich or broke. This is real life and you should treat it with all the seriousness that it requires and more. Hence when you are always breaking up and then making up now and then you are likely not getting anywhere with that relationship.
You can tell if someone is in a relationship for the glamour; they only want to be seen with you in public perhaps because you are beautiful or handsome. Or they could be in it just to see that they really could date someone like you. John mentioned in the introduction was something of a popular jock in the university and Lara admitted that at first, she wanted just to see if John was serious about dating such an ordinary girl such as herself. Both were experimenting with each other.
You are not looking for validation
It means you are not looking for a relationship where you seek validation or approval from either your partner, friends or even family. Only matured relationships lead to marriage and a long-lasting one. Your partner won’t decide until he’s heard what he’s mom thinks about the issue. Or she won’t accept your apology except her friends says it’s okay.
If ever that relationship does lead to a marriage, it will be fraught with problems.
Lara was stuck with John for so long because her mother said Lara would never amount to anything without a man in her life. Her mother had her reasons for saying that. But Lara never amounted to much with John either.
You are not desperate
Desperation is one hell of a bad quality to have. No one wants to marry a desperate man or woman. And a relationship proposal based on a feeling of desperation results in a bad marriage. It is best to resolve the feelings of desperation first before venturing into the world of relationship.
And to be honest, desperate relationships hardly lead to marriage. And if by some stroke of luck it does partners have to deal with all the bad qualities that had been hidden.
Lara soon realized that right under the veneer of geniality was an underlying tendency of John to be sloppy and generally lazy.
You are not looking for a perfect marriage
I do hope that if you are asking about a relationship that leads to marriage you are not looking for a perfect marriage. Because away from the Zeeworld hype and the happy ever after romance stories we often read in books, there is nothing like a perfect marriage anywhere.
What you are going to get is a relationship that involves to imperfect people and subsequent marriage between same. Some begin a relationship and when they notice a slight shortcoming in their partner they conclude that the friendship is not going to work. But this is not necessarily so. There must be a balance between your expectations and what your reality is.
Boost your chances of finding a partner
This advice is mostly for ladies who act like they not interested in commitments because they don’t want to appear desperate but in the end, don’t get what they desperately need which is a stable man. This applies to men too.
You need to boost your chance of finding a partner. Be open about what you want from a relationship, where you are headed with the one you’re in. Pride and an inflated ego, inordinate expectations are all factors that may make the dream of finding a relationship that will lead to marriage difficult.
You can’t be too picky
Of course, everyone has expectations about the type of partner they want. Yet if your standards are too high you become picky, potential partners hardly meet your taste. Not in the store appeals to you except that image of a new one in a magazine but when you see it, it is nothing like what was in print – in your eyes. No one can meet our specifications completely, just as we can never meet those of others too.
You should settle for that partner who makes you comfortable, someone you can be your true self around. Someone willing to go on a journey of self-discovery with you. But people are not ordinary packages on store shelves, they are people; complex and complicated. You just have to choose the one that you can deal with and that can unravel you.
Before you even start with the word “I need a serious relationship that will lead to marriage”, you need to confirm your readiness and check all the pointers highlighted above.
If one of your life goals is to find a life partner and you have said no to any of the points outlined here, then you probably still have a lot of work to do on you. But if not then you three steps ahead.